Precis: A magician of many years found his life changed as a result of disease. The serious consequences of his disease required him to find a new way to produce the effects he wanted.
HOW I CAME TO MAGIC
I have always been rather thin. At five, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I've
injected insulin virtually all of my life. At first, the insulin that was
available was derived from animals and I would sometimes have bad reactions.
But modern versions of it are based on human insulin, so as long as I kept
track of my blood sugar and injected the right amount of the hormone, I felt
fine. I thought everything was okay.
Growing up I was very active. My parents always called me Johnnie and the
name stuck. Not John. Not Jack. Johnnie. Throughout my 69 years of life, I've
always been called Johnnie.
When it came to study, with a name like "Rokkets" I really only had
one choice in life. Luckily, I loved rocketry and jet propulsion. I studied
both on my own, in the Air Force, and in college. Eventually, I got a job at
one of the major aerospace firms designing rockets.
Of course, it wasn't JPL, the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, which was the
premier organization of its type. I went for an interview there, once, but
didn't get hired. Perhaps I was too young.
On the way out of the interview, I heard two men laughing. One said,
"Jack Parsons' Laboratory. That's a good one." It was obvious to me
that "Jack Parsons' Laboratory" could also be a meaning for the
acronym "JPL," but who was this Jack Parsons?
That night, I went to a library and did some research. It turned out that
Jack Parsons was one of the most important, yet least known, persons in the
history of rocketry. They had even named a crater on the moon for him. His
contributions during WWII and Korea may have saved thousands of lives, and
some of his designs are still used today, like the booster rockets on the
Space Shuttle. Parsons was one of the founders of the JPL.
He was also a magician.
Not the bunny-in-hat, cards-up-the-sleeve type of magician, but the real
deal. Up until this time in my life, I had been a hard-core materialist. I
didn't believe in spooks, witches, goblins, the Loch Ness Monster, voodoo
spells, or real magic. I laughed at those who did. Had I met Parsons, the
self-styled wizard, I would have probably laughed at him, too. Something
didn't make sense though, and the more I thought about it, the more confused
my thoughts became.
How could one of the most important people in the history of rocket science
be a magician? Almost overnight, my worldview was shaken to its very core. I
felt lost and rudderless. I called in sick and was out for three days trying
to make sense of this in my mind. In a desperate effort to bridge this
magic/science dichotomy, it occurred to me that perhaps Parsons' concept of
magic was different than my own. I decided to research real magic and see
what it was about. Perhaps it was different than I had assumed.
That decision changed my life. I doubt if I need to tell the readers of The
Llewellyn Journal what real magic is, but let me just say that the practice
of magic helped me through bad times, helped bring me success so I could
retire early, and helped me find spiritual and mental peace and satisfaction.
But this is just the background. It's not what I want to focus on in this
article.
THE ATTACKS BEGIN
The information I want to share really begins with an event that took place
in 1992. By this time, I had been retired for several years. I had traveled
the world, going to many unusual and arcane rituals because of my contacts
with magicians around the globe. I settled down to spend time in my beautiful
home in Virginia. It had a large garden, where I loved to work. One day, as I
went to tend some of the flowers in my garden, my right knee gave out and I
fell to the ground.
I laughed about it, got up, dusted myself off, and worked on the flowers.
"I'm just getting old," I thought. But my knee started aching. Over
the next few weeks, my leg felt sore and I fell two more times. Finally, I
went to my doctor. He examined me, took some x-rays and performed other
tests. A week later I came back to his office. He looked grim.
As it turns out, even keeping my blood sugars at a fairly constant level by
checking it with a meter and giving myself the appropriate doses of insulin
does not always completely stop the ravages of diabetes. There can be liver
damage, kidney damage, damage to the eyes, and, as in my case, circulation
problems.
There are about 135,000 amputations in the U.S. per year. Diabetes is a
factor in most of them. Within a few years of the diagnosis of circulatory
disease due to diabetes, my right foot became gangrenous. Seven years ago, I
became an amputee.
But I'm a trooper. A few months later I got a prosthesis, and with some
rehab, I was getting around okay on crutches. Until my left leg started to go
numb. I'm now pretty much confined to a wheelchair or a bed. I'm working on
building up my upper body strength, but that's harder when you're in your
sixties. Some day they're going to have to amputate part of my left leg, and
by that time, I'm hoping I'll be strong enough to get around using only
crutches. Maybe the technology for amputees will be good enough so that I'll
be walking using computer-enhanced prostheses, but I can't count on it.
Until then, I travel by wheels rather than legs.
WHAT ABOUT MAGIC?
As I think you can see, I have a pretty good attitude about the whole thing.
The way I figure it, these are the cards I've been dealt and I want to make
the absolute best of the cards. Sure, I get depressed at times, but I have
too many friends and too much to do to stay down for long. Life is wonderful
and I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Being a realist, there are some things I simply can't do right now. When I
was young I was a marathon runner. That's not on the menu for me any more.
But as I wrote earlier, one of the things that had given my life meaning and
direction was the spiritual joy and practical results I received from the
practice of magic. Now, however, I could no longer circumambulate the circle.
I couldn't stand at parts of rituals. When my magical friends heard about
what happened to me, eventually they would ask, "So what are you doing
to keep yourself busy and happy? What about magic?"
I didn't have an answer. I couldn't do the rites any more. I couldn't
confidently walk around the circle, conjuring spirits or calling on
archangels. Yes, indeed; what about magic?
When you've been around magicians as long as I have, you know that there are
some who really do the work, and others who merely like to talk about it. The
latter are called "armchair magicians." That's sort of a derogatory
term, but I really don't think it should be so. There's room enough for all
styles of magicians. With all my past magical work and practical experience,
and since I couldn't do magic any more, I thought it might be good for me to
put down my thoughts and insights so that others might learn from my history.
Even if I couldn't do magic any more, I could at least help others. I decided
to start by refreshing my memory about what other authors had written. I took
out fifty of my favorite books on magic and decided to spend all the time I
needed on them until I had re-read them all.
That didn't happen because I read something that would change my life.
THE SECRET THAT WOULD MAKE MY FUTURE
So I read. The books were by authors both famous and little known. It took a
long time to go through those books, but I hated television, so I really had
lots of time. After two months, I had finished about a third of the books. I
started a favorite of mine, Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig. I was
looking forward to it because I had just replaced my well-worn copy, filled
with personal notes, with a copy of the new second edition. I have always
liked the feeling of a new book.
One of the things that I have learned is that if we don't make use of the
information we read, we tend to forget it. As I was reading all of those
books, I was reminded of little things I had forgotten or clever expressions
that made me smile. Sure, I had learned it all before, but because I hadn't
used it regularly, I had forgotten some points.
Until my first amputation I had always been very active. I ran for exercise
and walked all the time. I biked and roller-skated when they weren't cool. I
just liked being physical. That had carried over to my magic. I liked doing
things such as making wands and waving them in special, ritualized ways while
I directed magical energy through them with my Will. I could no longer do
most of that physical activity.
This was my mind-set. Action and motion were part of the life of Johnnie
Rokkets. But that part of my life had now, I thought, passed me by. So I
think readers will understand why, as I turned the page in Modern Magick to
479, my eyes opened in shock, remembrance, and a sudden enlightenment that
made me pant with excitement.
In bold type, across the center of the page, it read:
ASTRAL LESSER BANISHING RITUAL OF THE PENTAGRAM
My revelation, of course, was that I didn't need to move around to do magic!
I could do it all via visualization, concentration, and energy direction.
I could still do magic!
Some of you reading this may be thinking, "Of course! Why didn't you
realize that before?" The answer is that I don't know. In retrospect, it
should have been obvious. But for some reason, the idea of not having to
physically move while doing a ritual had been outside of my conception. I
decided to read this section and see if I could generalize the instructions
for this ritual to reflect magical rituals in general.
STEP ONE. Sit in the center of your circle and relax with some deep breathing
and the Relaxation Ritual. Your eyes should be closed and your arms and legs
should not be crossed. (P. 479)
I knew I could do this. I had done it thousands of times before. The
Relaxation Ritual, which is fully explained earlier in the book, is often
referred to as an exercise in "progressive relaxation." Basically,
you tell each part of your body to relax and allow it to do so. So the first
step would not be a challenge.
STEP TWO. Visualize yourself (or, if you prefer, an idealized image of
yourself) standing, facing you. Take some time and get the best image
possible in your mind.
STEP THREE. Once your double (frequently called a doppelganger) is complete,
use your will power and have it turn to face the East, the same direction in
which you are looking. This procedure should take no special ritual
techniques. Simply tell it silently to turn about and it will. Of course, it
should still be standing.
STEP FOUR. Now, without audibly saying anything, will your twin to do the
entire Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. Your physical body should be
in the center of the area, the position where your physical altar would
normally be located. Try to hear, feel, smell, sense and visualize everything
your double does. Keep your physical eyes closed. (P. 479)
Now, I had done part of this many times before in preparation for astral
projection. But I had never tried to work with the astral double as if it
were virtually a separate entity. As I tried it now, the image kept fading in
and out. I kept losing my place in the ritual. Over the next few days, it got
a little better, but not much. I went back to the book for more information.
The Astral LBRP... sounds a great deal easier than it really is. This ritual
takes as much or more concentration than any rituals you have done so far...
If you have trouble concentrating to a level where you can do the entire LBRP
in this above, Astral fashion, try practicing the following concentration
exercise:
Needed: a timer and four cards. On the first card place a large dot, and on
the second place two dots side by side. On the third card make a row of three
dots and on the fourth card, a similar row of four dots...
Set the timer for five minutes. Look at card one until you have a very good
idea of that single spot. Now close your eyes and only think of that spot. If
any other thoughts come into your mind, simply bring back your focus to that
one spot. Cease the exercise when the timer goes off. Your goal in this
exercise is to keep that single spot visualized for five minutes and allow
nothing else to interfere with your concentration.
When you have very few breaks in your concentration, move on to card two with
the two spots and repeat the exercise. Continue this practice until you can
keep the two dots in your mind for the full five minutes. When you can do
this with card four and its four dots, you will have excellent concentration
abilities.
Although this exercise sounds easy, it is not. (P. 480-481).
Boy, was Kraig right! It took me two weeks to master the third card which I
had made, and another week to master card four. Along the way I strained and
sweated until I realized I needed to simply surrender to it. Eventually, I
could hold the image of the four dots in my mind for five minutes with almost
no breaks. I was ready to try the Astral Lesser Banishing Ritual of the
Pentagram again.
MY FIRST SUCCESS
I reread steps one through four again. This time I continued on to the last
part.
STEP FIVE. Once you have completed this astral performance of the LBRP, have
your double sit in your lap and allow yourself to reabsorb it. Take some deep
breaths to unite yourself. Clap your hands loudly three times. The sound will
help bring you back to normal consciousness. Now you may open your eyes. (P.
479-480)
With the accomplishments of my concentration exercises, I was anxious to
begin. Relaxation followed the deep breathing. Then, I created an astral
double of myself. It was clearer than it had ever been before (probably due
to my recent work). My double looked young and energetic. It stood on two
strong legs. To my surprise, it actually smiled at me. I had never been good
enough (nor needed) to really see any facial characteristics before. Now they
were as clear as if they had been etched in granite with powerful acid.
I willed the doppelganger to do the ritual. I directed it in every phase and
motion. Many times, I felt I was actually seeing through its eyes. When I was
finished, I reabsorbed it per the instructions. I was elated! I had achieved
success.
At this point, you may wonder how I knew so quickly that the ritual had been
a successful banishing. In my experience, if a person is psychically aware
(as a result of development or natural abilities), he or she can go into a
room and simply "know" if it has been banished. I worked for years
doing the LBRP a minimum of two times daily. One result of this work was that
I developed the ability to tell the difference between a room that was
banished and one that was not.
I could feel that the room was banished and clear.
I repeated the Astral LBRP twice a day for two weeks. By the end of that time
the ritual was easy for me to do. In fact, it felt even more powerful than
the LBRPs I used to do daily (and they were pretty good, if I do say so
myself!). I tried to figure out how this could be. As I thumbed through
Modern Magick I think I found the answer on page 219:
"For anything to exist on the physical plane it must first exist on the
Astral Plane!
"Therefore, in order to create anything and bring it into your life, all
you have to do is create it in the Astral Plane."
In a moment of clarity I realized that although learning to work directly on
the astral plane via an astral double may be more difficult to learn, you
bypass the filter of the consciousness and physical plane to create directly
on the Astral Plane. It is like eliminating one entire step, resulting in
faster effects and often more accurate results. In short, doing a ritual via
concentration, visualization, and if possible, astral projection, can
actually be more powerful and effective (desired results occur more quickly)
than a physical ritual.
Of course, if a person is not practiced at doing astral rituals, the physical
ritual is going to be far more effective than any attempted astral ritual.
THE "MIND FEELING"
I continued doing the Astral LBRP regularly without trying to go any further.
I wanted to get to be an expert at this technique. Then I had yet another
curious revelation. As I wrote above, I was able to detect if a room had been
banished. I called this a "mind feeling" of how things should be
and feel when an area is banished. What I began to notice was that as I
prepared to do the Astral LBRP, that mind feeling of banishment would begin
before I did the ritual.
I wondered what would happen if I simply tried to create that feeling,
visualize it as a sphere and expand it with my Will to fill my area. With
very little practice I realized that I could quickly banish the room by doing
exactly that; filling it with the "mind feeling" of banishment. I
could virtually instantly and effectively banish a room.
I do use one physical trick to help me. I clap my hands together with my arms
extended to trigger the sensation. I have learned that hypnotherapists refer
to this as an anchor, a fancy term for a triggering device. One clap with the
intention to fill the room with the "mind feeling" of banishment
and the room I'm in feels clear, fresh, and banished.
That brings me up to today. As you have probably guessed, my next step is to
do a ritual to achieve another type of result, one that could appear on the
physical plane. My use of magick in the past has resulted in great financial
success so I don't really need anything. I haven't decided what I'm going to
do yet. Does anybody have any suggestions? Have you done successful Astral
rituals? I'd like to know.
Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig is © Llewellyn Worldwide, Ltd. All
quotes used by permission.
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